Paris Hilton’s BFF

Aftermath. It’s a dangerous world.

Ps. Melissa puked not long after this was taken.

Bird Flu

I developed a severe obsession with BBC’s documentary series Planet Earth. The shots and the locations are breathtaking, but the best part is coming across some terrifyingly weird animals.

Birds of Paradise

Okay, I’m not kidding, these birds are just fucked up. There’s the weird antennae/tutu wearing one and the one that turns into some kind of tap dancing scary cartoon face when it tries to impress the ladies. I’m actually in awe.

 

Swiftlets

These birds live in caves and use echolocation like bats. They’re boring to look at compared to the birds of paradise, but what makes them interesting is their saliva, which they use to make their NESTS. I’m not even lying. It hardens when exposed to the air. But that’s nothing compared to what WE do. Apparently the spit-wad nests are a delicacy in China. Yeah, that’s right. We eat their spit. And it doesn’t come cheap either, a bowl of it goes for about 60$. Worst of all, they’re supposed to have aphrodisiac and medicinal qualities. Mmmm…nothing gets me going like a warm bowl of boiled bird saliva, how about you?

 

xx Jaydu

Hurry HURRY

Support local filmmakers and go see “Who is KK Downey?”

It’s only in theaters THIS WEEK at AMC. I’m not kidding, It’s worth it I promise.

Role Call, Recalled

 

This is Sarah.

She imposes her will through an unstoppable torrent of repetition causing you to bleed from your eyes and adopt a new vocabulary. She has a preference for a beverage known as the “Big 10” and is likely to be spotted collapsing after enjoying it. She likes chunky peanut butter on bagels more than anyone you will ever meet and can’t be talked into doing things she doesn’t want to do. Don’t try it.

 

 

This is Naccs.

Her story telling techniques are unrivalled but might leave you questioning her sanity. Not to worry, she is stable despite her hunger for all things graffiti and ghetto. She likes to rap, paint and be pulled by her hair. When asked to hit her, don’t. You’ll likely chip one of the few teeth that are not already damaged from drug induced fighting.

 

This is Melissa.

This little phoenix has finally exploded out from those pesky proverbial ashes and is now more dangerous than ever. Please don’t cross her, we’re exhausted from keeping up with her body count. She likes to get tipsy, smoke Peach Cigarillos, and dramatize on the inescapable stupidity of the human race. But she’s totally a sweetheart, I swear.

 

This is Cynthia.

Be warned, playing certain melodies in her presence will result in screams and frantic removal of clothing. Do not despair. As wild as she might appear, she is gentle in spirit and can be coaxed into calmness. Oh, and she can make the clichéd potato sack look like a vintage YSL.

 

This is Stephanie.

A redheaded videogame freak, she will lull you into a false sense of security and then ensnare you into her giant web of good times and happiness. While she is conscious and in an altered state, expect to see her move and gyrate in ways most are incapable of. She will cause your head to explode when she demands, “Is this trippy?”

 

Oh and this is me, Jaydu.

I’m a little higher than most on the melodramatics. I might not have a body count but I do have a count of bodies that I pretend don’t exist. I’m less action, more inescapable traps of harmful thought processes and unpredictable mood swings. But you won’t notice. I exist solely for bottles of white wine and good company, I enjoy doing naughty things to naughty people and I pretty much forget everything. Oh and I really like to bite, sorry.

*UPDATES*

We’ve cleaned up our member list and we have some very exciting new additions. There’s nothing grander than expansion, huh?

This is Letourneau.

She’s a sassy little frassy equipped with unnaturally long limbs and delightfully uneven hips that give her a dominatrix like stance. This princess’s calling is to keep you safe and you can depend on her to break out some controversial raps while intoxicated. 

 

This is Kassandra

A total darling yet hardcore competitor, she’s got it all in control. Her presence guarantees a good time and an infamous mind boggling display of drunken cheerleading stunts. Honestly, anyone who can hold up some gyal and launch her into the air while barely being able to walk a straight line is a hero in my books.

* * IMPORTANT NOTICE * *

1. I’M NOT FUCKING YOUR EX

If I wanted to though, I have every right. I’m not, so you can stop stalking me and adding me everywhere. You’re not going to catch us humping in the middle of my Facebook page. 

2. YOU DON’T KNOW ME

So you can also desist from spreading rumors about things I’ve said to our mutual friends. I’ve never said a word to you in my entire life. You’re really creepy for pretending like we’ve had some kind of conversation.

Basically, you really need to just relax. Leave me alone. I semi want to befriend you and teach you how not to be so insecure and psychotic. 

xxx

Jaydu

Yo

Watch these. NOW. (Also, I just accidently ate milk ingredients. UGH.)

Good Night Stockholm - Mattias Montero

Covergirls gone nasty. (Catch-me-if-you-can-ball type shit.)

 

History of the World Part 1 - Escort scene

If only, if only. (Oh and the Ashley Simpson version of this can go to hell.)

Atmosphere - Shoulda Known

This makes me so much less ashamed to like Hip Hop. Fuck it.

The Grape Lady

The video equivalent to Prozac. The spinoffs are great too…check out the animation. 

Monty Python - Nudge Skit

Purely Classic. I lose respect for you if you can’t appreciate these beautiful Brits.

 

    

   

 

 

Montreal Crack Addicts

Once upon a time, there were two sisters.

In an altered state, they were forced to witness a most unique individual. 

One was able to capture this specimen in all her glory. Take careful notice of the dopey smile and fashion choices. 

Memorable quotes:

“Do your breasts stay up like that or are you wearing bras?”

“I’ll take the both of them to go.”

The problem with these quotes, aside from the obvious awkwardness of the first and the lack of a fast food joint for the second, is that she was not talking to ANYONE. Just muttering and laughing excitedly to the air around her. Needless to say, we couldn’t breathe from trying to stop ourselves from laughing. 

It’s hard to hear her, but listen carefully. And watch her sway back and forth in happiness.  The best part is kept for last, as she says loudly, “Oh don’t start, okay?”

Thank you miss for making our night.

You should probably cut down on the drugs though.

We Love You Matty

Well, it’s our favorite ple boy’s birthday today and unless you already know him, it’s hard to explain how amazing he really is. (We would totally list all his qualities, which I know for a fact he would appreciate, but we don’t really have that kind of time….the list is long, TRUST.)

We would just like to take a minute to say that we love you Matty. You’re completely irreplaceable and we wish you all ze best on your special day.

Massive love,

Jaydu&Plecrew

Video Ho’s

The very short, very badly articulated explanation of the history of the word PLE.

Give You a Hat

Par.a.site noun

An organism that live in or on another organism and benefits by deriving nutrients at the host’s expense.

-derogatory: a person who habitually relies on or exploits others and gives nothing in return.

Synonyms: sycophant, hanger-on.

**Presence will make your eyes roll back in your head so fast that those around you will believe you are having an epileptic seizure.**